I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
