you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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