Girls should come with a carfax report
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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