I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
