What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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