Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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