im six kinds of drunk right now
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
