I wish I could teleport
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
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The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
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I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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