Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
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