The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
