3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Randomize
