High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
