Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
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