i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.