I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.