Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?