he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.