hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
