Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.