I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.