WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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