I never want to see another naked old woman again.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Randomize