i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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