She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
