DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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