i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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