Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
