dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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