During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You ruined the universe
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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