she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
