I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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