Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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