you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
