Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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