break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
He kissed a someone with a penis
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
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i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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