Who did Billy Mays play for?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
