Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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