this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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