Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
