he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo