I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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