In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
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Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
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So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
how drunk are you?