he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
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Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
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Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.