Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
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He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
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Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I need a beard to bite.