Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i will never coherently bang her
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
