I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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