I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
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I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
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He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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