I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
How does one acquire holy water?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
