Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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