I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
