and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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