Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
