haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize