nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
