I wish I could punch you in the face.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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