the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
