you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
