i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize