I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
