im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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