bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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