everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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