mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
BRING THE BAGELS
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
