Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
