I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
