haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
