I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
