i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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