Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
