The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
