so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
